Vraag een vrouw om zichzelf te beschrijven en grote kans dat ze het makkelijker vindt om minpunten op te sommen dan pluspunten. Hoe anders is dat als ze iets over haar kind mag vertellen (gelukkig!). Zie ook dit blogje van Els 😉
Het eind van mijn zwangerschapsverlof komt in beeld. Zo langzaam mogelijk stap ik van mijn roze wolk. Er moeten nu praktische zaken geregeld worden, zoals kinderopvang. Voor baby Elfi stel ik die gedachte liever nog even uit. Maar Fleur is inmiddels 2 jaar en 2 maanden en mag naar de peuterspeelzaal. Wat heeft ze er een zin in! De hele dag spelen met andere kinderen. Slik, wat wordt ze al groot.
Vanochtend krijgen we een rondleiding bij de peuterspeelzaal en het kinderdagverblijf. Fleur loopt naar binnen alsof ze er al jaren komt, ontdekt in de hoek het keukentje en begint te spelen. Daar sta ik dan, met Elfi stevig tegen me aan. De juf schiet te hulp met een stevig staaltje Eerste-Hulp-Aan-Moeders-Die-Plotseling-Beseffen-Dat-Kleine-Meisjes-Groot-Worden. Dankbaar volg ik haar uitnodiging om te gaan zitten. Ze vertelt over de dagindeling en het pedagogisch plan. Vraagt ze of er nog speciale dingen zijn over Fleur die ze moet weten. Nee, geen allergieën, angsten of problemen. Ja, ze is zindelijk, lust alles. Dan vraagt de juf: ‘Wat is het voor kind?’
Ineens besef ik dat ik al maanden alleen in clichés praat. Het kraambezoek en de mensen op straat stellen altijd dezelfde vragen en ik heb mijn antwoord geperfectioneerd tot een standaard sociaal praatje van topkwaliteit. ‘Hoe doet ze het?’ (Ja, fantastisch, het is een heel tevreden kindje) ‘Slaapt ze al door?’ (Nee, maar de afgelopen nachten is Fleur vaker wakker dan Elfi) ‘Wat vindt Fleur ervan?’ (Die vindt het ontzettend leuk) ‘Was het een makkelijke bevalling?’ (Nee, maar gelukkig ging het daarna snel goed). De mensen zijn tevreden en ik kan zorgeloos van mijn baby’tje genieten.
Wat is het voor kind? ‘Nou eh, ze is snel op haar gemak’ (maar speelt soms van uit het niets verlegen), ‘ze is heel lief’ (maakt kinderen aan het huilen met haar knuffeltjes en kusjes), ‘ze is erg zelfstandig’ (smeert Pop onder de sudocrème als ik niet kijk)… Goed zo Els, nu weet de juf wat voor vlees ze in de kuip heeft: een makkelijk, lief en zelfstandig kind. Alsof een ervaren juf dat nog niet had gezien toen Fleur binnenkwam. Ik had net zo goed kunnen zeggen: ‘Meisje, blond, 91 cm.’
Wat had ik dan moeten zeggen? Ik blijk een uitzonderlijk talent te hebben om ‘ze kan niet stilzitten, zeurt door als ze iets niet mag en doet alleen waar ze zelf zin in heeft’ om te vormen tot ‘ze is lekker actief en zelfstandig’. Minder positieve woorden komen niet eens in me op. Moederliefde, zucht. Op weg naar huis bedenk ik een heleboel antwoorden die mijn kind beter typeren dan makkelijk, lief en zelfstandig. Ook nu komen er alleen maar positieve woorden. Tijd om ook voor deze vraag een perfect standaard antwoord te verzinnen!
Els Dillerop
Els is moeder van Fleur (2) en Elfi (0) en getrouwd met Frank. In haar vrije tijd is ze docent Frans, vertaler en tekstschrijver.
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