Baby, Lees

Elastiek

Als je een kind krijgt, schijn je enorm te veranderen. Gesprekken van moeders gaan alleen maar over kinderen en mensen met kinderen lijken ook een stuk saaier. Maar dat geldt natuurlijk niet voor mij! Ik ben heus nog wel dezelfde. Nou ja… op wat kleine dingetjes na. Want wie had gedacht dat ik na 18 weken verlof nog steeds geen zin zou hebben in werk? Wie had verwacht dat ik het leuk zou vinden om een sjaal te breien voor Keet? Om kinderliedjes te zingen bij babyzwemmen? En is het normaal dat Henno en ik nu oprecht fan zijn van Nicky en Klaartje van het Junior songfestival?

Van te voren had ik ook absoluut geen benul van de moedergevoelens die je er gratis bij krijgt. Gevoelens die ervoor zorgen dat je altijd en overal je kleine meissie wilt beschermen. Dat je eigenlijk altijd bij haar wilt zijn. Niemand vertelde mij dat er na de bevalling een soort elastiek aan mijn buik werd gehecht, waarmee ik voor altijd met haar verbonden ben.

Het elastiek heeft wat rek, dus ik kan wel een tijdje achteruit lopen. Ik kan best een tijdje weg bij Keet. Eten bij vriendinnen, een avondje naar de kroeg. Maar op een bepaald moment staat het elastiek zo strak gespannen dat je gewoon terug móét. Het wil dan terug naar de oorspronkelijke vorm en het liefst zo snel als alleen een gespannen elastiek dat kan. Maar zo snel ben je in het echte leven niet thuis. Helemaal niet als je in Amsterdam bent en met iemand meerijdt. Dan moet je nog even op je tanden bijten, want je kunt dat etentje toch niet om half tien al verlaten? Dan is het net begonnen. Dus ik hou me groot en doe net of ik niet onrustig ben. Ik ben namelijk heus niet veranderd!

Maar nog nooit fietste ik zo snel naar huis, als na het avondje ‘Bridget Jones’. Of mijn leven er vanaf hangt, race ik door de stad, om vervolgens mijn gezinnetje vredig slapend in bed aan te treffen.

Als je een elastiekje vaker gebruikt, wordt het slapper. Zo ook mijn elastiek. Wilde ik in het begin na een uurtje al naar huis, drie weken geleden ben ik zowaar 24 uur lang weggeweest. Een dag én een nacht. Overigens niet geheel vrijwillig. Na wat aandringen van Henno zijn we samen een dagje naar Antwerpen geweest. De dag ervoor had ik de hele dag een bedrukt gevoel. Waarom met z’n tweeën? Met z’n drieën is toch ook leuk? Maar we zijn gegaan en eenmaal op de A27 richting Breda had ik er toch wel een goed gevoel over. Het werd een topdag, zelfs zonder Keet.

Maar eerlijk is eerlijk. Het liefst ben ik gewoon thuis. Dat draait vast wel weer bij, toch?

Ach, fuck it! Ik geef het ook maar gewoon toe: Ik ben graag thuis! Ik ben een saaie muts geworden! Ik sta voorgoed, voor eeuwig en altijd aan die andere kant. En ik vind het nog leuk ook!

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Ook leuk

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