Lees, Zwanger

Avontuur

Het was een tijdje rustig op het babyfront. Maar nu zijn er opeens weer allemaal zwangeren om me heen! Wat een verrassing, wat een feest. Lieve vrienden die langskomen en zeggen dat ze ‘iets te vertellen’ hebben. Ik denk terug aan tien jaar geleden. Voor het eerst zwanger. Veel sneller dan verwacht. Ik vond het spannend om het te vertellen aan de mensen om ons heen. Voelde niet direct het ‘grote geluk’ terwijl iedereen om me heen zo blij voor ons was. Maar zoals alle clichés rondom zwangerschappen en kinderen krijgen, is het ook waar dat die negen maanden niet voor niets zijn. Nou ja, negen maanden…. Na 35 weken beviel ik van een veel te klein meisje met lange benen. Wat waren we verliefd op dat mini-mensje in  dat glazen bakje op de couveuse-afdeling. En wat waren we prettig naïef en onwetend.

Wist ik veel, wat de hormonen doen die vanaf dan bezit van je nemen. Dat die ervoor zorgen dat je opeens de behoefte krijgt om een sjaal te breien, terwijl je voor die tijd nooit  een breinaald hebt aangeraakt. Dat het je snel veranderende hormoonhuishouding is die ervoor zorgt dat je na drie dagen alleen maar kunt huilen, ook al ben je eigenlijk heel gelukkig. Dat het de overload aan oxitocyne was die ervoor zorgde dat ik alleen maar bij dat kleine meisje wilde zijn, terwijl ik gezworen had om niet te veranderen. Dat ik heus geen saaie muts zou worden. Dat het niet alleen door de gebroken nachten kwam dat seks wat minder hoog op de agenda stond, maar dat de natuur daar ook een handje aan meehielp door je testosteron tijdelijk terug te schroeven? En dat dat ALLEMAAL HEEL NORMAAL is?

cover_Relax mamaWat is het een avontuur dat we sindsdien hebben meegemaakt. Een avontuur waar geen wereldreis tegenop kan. Een reis met hoge pieken en ook diepe dalen. Een kind krijgen is echt een ‘life changing event’. Eentje die van te voren niet te bevroeden is. Ik kijk naar mijn lieve vriendinnetjes wiens buiken nu langzaam dikker worden. Die hun eigen avontuur aangaan. Ik zou ze alles wel willen vertellen over mijn eigen avonturen, maar hou me in. Ieder zijn eigen tempo, ieder zijn eigen reis. En pas als ze écht moeder zijn, pas dan…. mogen ze van mij Relax Mama lezen, waarin de tips staan die ik toen van wijze moeders om mee heen kreeg. Of die ik eigenlijk wel had willen krijgen.

huilen mag

Pagina uit mijn boek Relax Mama met illustratie van Moniek Paus van Studio Pomp.

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